The best week ever!

A good friend of mine came up with the idea that she would see how many dates she could accrue in the span of one week. This would serve as a test to see how desirable she is and a measure of her general awesomeness.

As everyone knows, I’m a very caring and generous soul who will jump at the chance to help a friend (plus, this might give me an opportunity to ridicule her later). I racked my brain, trying to concoct a plan which would yield both the highest number of dates for her, and the most fun for me. After stewing on the subject for at least forty-five seconds, I had the perfect plan, I’d write her a craigslist ad. I know this is a strange and unprecedented move for me, but like I said, anything for a friend.

[Insert clever and intriguing title] – 24 (Oklahoma City)

People always speak of the importance of having goals in life. I’ve decided to take that advice to heart. My mission is to see how many dates I can have in the span of one week. To be clear, I’m not looking to find a relationship, or to fill some hole in my heart, what I’m looking to do is have a lot of fun and switch up my routine a little.

Now I know that this proposal sends up more than a few warning flags in your head. You must be saying to yourself; “why would she want to do that?” I’ll tell you why, because I can. For all the talk of equality between the genders you can’t deny that sometimes one gender is just better at something, i.e. women are better at color coordination (exception: gay men), and women don’t have to work very hard at finding a date. I’m almost surprised that there aren’t ads like this all the time. I mean, admit it men, if you had this kind of power, you’d be all over this idea, it would be like a dream come true for you.

Now I’ll shamelessly self-promote: I’m a charming, fun, good-looking young woman with an effervescent personality, great social skills, a more than adequate sense of humor, and a sharp mind. You’ll actually be able to have an intelligent conversation with me (!), when’s the last time you did that on a first date?

Things you should know about me: If I laugh and you didn’t say anything funny; that means I’m nervous. If you disrespect me, I’ll lose respect for you. I’m not the best driver, but somehow my car remains undamaged.

What I’d like from you: Please be between the ages of 24 and 40. I’d like to enjoy myself so please be a fun guy. I tend to be attracted to creative people. And, for the sake of my self-respect, please be good-looking and well-groomed.

I’m looking to begin the selection process today, so if this seems interesting, send me a message with a pic and tell me a little about yourself. If you seem like the kind of guy I’m looking for I’ll get back to you in kind, with a pic and a number. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon

P.S. Due to the serious nature of this ad and my affection for symmetry, I feel it’s necessary to end with a joke, just to even things out.

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

• Location: Oklahoma City
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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~ by whyicraigslist on December 18, 2009.